The more I grow up, I realize that life is one giant contradiction. The incongruities are multiple: between our internal world and the external world, between expectations and reality, between who we were and who we are, who we are and who we want to be, who we are and who we are to other people. We spend a lot of our time showing other people we are fine, we are professional, we are competent, we are strong.
It is scary to show people what we are going through. We want the world to appreciate the beauty in us, never the mess. We pretend, I suppose, because we feel alone in problems, or don't want to add to other people's problems, that no one will understand, that it is somehow wrong that we are having trouble dealing with what life sends (or throws) our way. Problems - like dirty laundry - must immediately be stowed away when the guests arrive. Yet what I invariably find is that connections between people are made primarily through a mutual unraveling, understanding and unconditional acceptance of one another's messes. It's the reason sharing a secret brings someone closer; it is a risk you take, an offering you make, when you share with someone the precise way in which you are weak and flawed.
When you decide to stop pretending, you certainly run the risk of being hurt, because not everyone understands. Some people do, though. The things you think will make you unloved may actually bring you even closer. Because here's the real secret: it is not just you. Everyone else is flawed too, and just as scared to show it. It makes you wonder: is it still as scary to show other people who you are when everybody else is scared too, looking for acceptance, just like you?
We want the world to appreciate the beauty in us, never the mess. We think that the beauty and the mess are incompatible. We want the world to see our beauty, not knowing that our beauty has everything to do with our mess.
It is scary to show people what we are going through. We want the world to appreciate the beauty in us, never the mess. We pretend, I suppose, because we feel alone in problems, or don't want to add to other people's problems, that no one will understand, that it is somehow wrong that we are having trouble dealing with what life sends (or throws) our way. Problems - like dirty laundry - must immediately be stowed away when the guests arrive. Yet what I invariably find is that connections between people are made primarily through a mutual unraveling, understanding and unconditional acceptance of one another's messes. It's the reason sharing a secret brings someone closer; it is a risk you take, an offering you make, when you share with someone the precise way in which you are weak and flawed.
When you decide to stop pretending, you certainly run the risk of being hurt, because not everyone understands. Some people do, though. The things you think will make you unloved may actually bring you even closer. Because here's the real secret: it is not just you. Everyone else is flawed too, and just as scared to show it. It makes you wonder: is it still as scary to show other people who you are when everybody else is scared too, looking for acceptance, just like you?
We want the world to appreciate the beauty in us, never the mess. We think that the beauty and the mess are incompatible. We want the world to see our beauty, not knowing that our beauty has everything to do with our mess.
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