Personal Space in Quarantine

Quarantine has been an interesting time to understand human behaviour; a unique lens into how the mind works in a situation which would otherwise be difficult to observe. We are like lab rats in a box caught in an inadvertent experiment and everyone is reacting differently. In this period of uncertainty, the dynamics of personal space have had to face a drastic shift to adjust to staying home for Covid-19, allowing an interesting new context to explore it in.

Exploring personal space in the context of the personal self, quarantine has given many people a chance at having to live with themselves, whether they like it or not. The situation has necessitated the forging of new routines, new modes of relating with others and novel ways of getting things done. It has tapped in to the natural ingenuity of human beings, but along with it has kicked in our natural resistance to change. Many people may actually find this extra free time and personal space suffocating to deal with. So many of us are accustomed to the humdrum affairs of life, often living on auto-pilot mode that may not feature a whole lot of time devoted to (voluntarily) spending time alone. During quarantine, it brings up a scary question: are we interesting enough to ourselves to keep us company? If you're not used to it, spending time by yourself can be quite disconcerting. You might find yourself unconsciously reaching for your phone or sleeping or spreading out the house chores to last all day, all ways to just pass time. Whether these activities are enjoyable or even just tolerable, I wonder if we're afraid to see what might happen to leave ourselves; to just be. This period of involuntary personal space may provide the perfect opportunity to learn how to be there for yourself as well as teach you how to actively spend time with yourself. The sweater of personal space may seem itchy and uncomfortable at first, if you're not accustomed to having it around, but it fits snugly after a couple of wears.

I also notice that although in many ways life is still the same as before, somehow the standards are different especially when it comes to relationships with others. People have some implicit expectations: to compulsively follow the news, trade instagram stories on the horrors of panic-buying, contact loved ones and fret over the situation together, and then play games to distract them from it. Phone and video-calling has become a trend during lock-down, what with everyone being home, having more time and a general uneasiness at being left to themselves for long periods, but what you do if you don't want to engage in these rituals or find them burdensome? There might be judgment, because "why, where else do you have to be?" you might hear with a snort. Being home gets equated with being available, being free and being interested. This misplaced assumption can translate into plain and simple obligation. It doesn't help that as humans we have the tendency to think we're the exception to the rule and assume it's okay for us specifically to cross certain boundaries because hey, it's me and I'm special. The pandemic world-bubble superimposes itself on our personal world like it is entitled to it. But it isn't. Because our personal world came first, and our own sanity is imperative. 

While some people feel a sense of community in these rituals, it is perfectly alright to not want to be part of the hoopla of the pandemic rhetoric, without feeling guilty. Everyone is entitled to their own space and there is nothing to be ashamed about because it belongs to you, and is up to you. Pandemic or otherwise, each of us needs to be able to have our own place where we feel centered and safe, not marred by obligation or pressure or expectations of even loved ones. I find that the safest place is within, where if you let it, you can hear your thoughts and experience your feelings without judgment, just acceptance. Our mind can feel like a dangerous place and a source of harsh criticism that we've internalized from the past and tend to perpetuate in our internal dialogue, so it may feel guilt-inducing and even undeserving to allow yourself the freedom of being, warts and all. But we have no one but our own selves to live with, and it is a sad hypocrisy of mankind that we accept our loved ones for who they are with love and encouragement but so often refuse to offer ourselves the same kindness. Do not fall victim to this discrepancy and do not be afraid of yourself; there is an entire personal universe to explore and a great deal to love in it. 

You can learn how to be there for yourself anywhere, so during quarantine is as good an opportunity as any. Claim your space to understand yourself. Take time out in the day exclusively to spend with yourself, either to get to know yourself better or pursue your interests or just do nothing. This is self-care 101. At times, you may want to experiment stepping out of your comfort zone and try a different approach to something or learn something completely new and see what that feels like. As for practicing self-care in relationships, a good start is by being honest with yourself. There may be resistance and an instinctive tendency to hide behind your go-to defense mechanisms, but stop. Become conscious of your own thoughts and feelings... what is it that you have to say? And then work on communicating these with people with assertiveness and authenticity (this may help deal with the expectations of others in earlier paragraphs). The truth is that I think there is something really powerful about being genuine that cuts through layers of social games, confused expectations and faulty assumptions. Like freshly baked chocolate cake, people can smell it from a mile away and it's somehow hard to be as mad about things. Maybe not everyone will appreciate it or necessarily even understand it, but you will, and at the core of things, it's enough.