Sometimes, I underestimate the power of human beings. Although I am a therapist, and I certainly believe in change, something in me always wonders the degree to which people can change after all. Perhaps this doubt comes from my own life experience, where I feel I can change, but not beyond a point. I can fly, but can fly only so far. I can speak, but cannot speak too freely. And then I end up thinking, maybe free will is something mankind has cooked up to feel better about ourselves, to give us some moving power even within our confines.
But.
Occasionally, I am reminded of the power that we all hold within us that allows us to do truly marvellous things that are perhaps out of our comfort zone yet clearly define something about us in that moment, such as when a usually submissive person stands up for herself, when it matters more to speak out than it matters to keep peace, when you leave a toxic relationship you have been nurturing for years, when you consciously decide you will not sabotage your relationships, when you recognize the importance of you... these are moments that defy theory but define who you truly are: not one-dimensional, but instead capable of change and able to choose. In that moment, you glow in your clarity of who you are and what you stand for. No cloak of shyness can shut you up, because you have decided that this is your platform and you will take it. Humans are unpredictable. It will be hard to know when it will happen, and it may seem uncharacteristic when it manifests, but the power lies there and it will help you see it through.
Society boxes people all the time. As a result, I don't even realize when I am boxing myself in. It has happened so many times that I have told myself or someone else that I can't do or say something because I don't like conflict or would rather keep the peace, even if it comes at the cost of what's right. Sometimes I even use them as an excuse not to move forward. By labelling myself a particular way, I set expectations for myself and for others about how I will behave, but I am not a toy that can be wound to play a song. I have a great range of depth and feeling and thoughts and experience, and these variable factors and much more will decide how I respond. Most of these variable factors are things other people won't even consider when they are judging me, but that's okay, as long as I don't fall victim to their misconceptions. As long as I don't think that I have to behave a certain way because that's the way people think of me as behaving.
Society boxes people all the time. As a result, I don't even realize when I am boxing myself in. It has happened so many times that I have told myself or someone else that I can't do or say something because I don't like conflict or would rather keep the peace, even if it comes at the cost of what's right. Sometimes I even use them as an excuse not to move forward. By labelling myself a particular way, I set expectations for myself and for others about how I will behave, but I am not a toy that can be wound to play a song. I have a great range of depth and feeling and thoughts and experience, and these variable factors and much more will decide how I respond. Most of these variable factors are things other people won't even consider when they are judging me, but that's okay, as long as I don't fall victim to their misconceptions. As long as I don't think that I have to behave a certain way because that's the way people think of me as behaving.
We may each have our patterns, but no one should confuse us for being mechanical. Sometimes, a functional code will run and at other times it'll throw an error. If technology isn't perfectly predictable, why do I have to be? I am a person, a work in progress, and at times a mess. There is more to each of us than people can predict.
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