I Would Make a Lousy Thief

[Background: I always enjoy thought experiments that allow me to put myself in another's shoes. In therapy, we call this empathy. But this time I put myself in the somewhat comic shoes of a thief.]

I would make a lousy thief
Reconnaissance is a word
The act of which I can't perform
And to pronounce I find absurd

I would make a lousy thief
They don't have what I need
The rich possess the weirdest things
The poor have mouths to feed

I would make a lousy thief
Why steal is a question deep
Is it thrill or need? Not talent indeed
So far all I robbed is sleep

I would make a lousy thief
Stealth is not my friend
And I can't lie, so when I'm caught
Defend, descend, the end.